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SCREENING LOG
-5/03-5/09, 2004
Back to 2004 Index
I guess I had what you could call a watershed weekend. A
series of occurrences that directed a life (namely that of
yours truly) towards an extended moment of reckoning, leading
to a personal resolution to which the title of this thread
refers. But before we get to that, a quick rundown of said
events:
- Canoodling with various film types at the Tribeca Film
Festival, meeting producers and directors asking me what I
was working on, and not feeling comfortable about what I had
to offer, or more specifically, my own level of conviction
about my projects. One person, an NYU film school graduate,
telling me that she was now an admin assistant at a T-shirt
company, but was comfortable with spending as much as the
next ten years cultivating her projects before getting her
first shot at directing. Hearing this was reassuring (yes,
it's okay if it takes that long) but also challenging (what
is my plan of action? How am I going to get from point A to
point B? Where are my projects that will be ready to go when
that door finally opens? Is it already open and am I simply
not focused enough on getting through?
- I met my friend who wanted to consult with me on his project,
a graphic novel about a Pakistani American teen who joins
the Taliban. HeÕd been working on this project since last
fall and so I expected him to have a pretty good layout of
his novel. It turns out that he just had a story summary that
he had derived from a lot of reading on the subject, but it
read kind of flat and generic. The reason being that he had
not yet done what I thought was the most important step: actually
talking to Pakistani American teens and getting a sense of
who they were as real people, not case studies in books and
articles. Upon realizing what he had to do, he got both very
excited about what he had to do and frustrated that he had
spent so much time not doing it. Which made me feel the same
way about my own projectsÉ
- Then we wandered to a Chinatown video store where I spent
an hour drooling at titles IÕd never seen before Š ShochikuÕs
collection of 100 Japanese classic movies, the complete Shaw
Brothers studio catalog, all on DVD at $13 a pop. I gathered
about 20 DVDs and VCDs into my arms and then slowly and painfully
deduced which should be eliminated Š most painful of all,
letting go of this one, with its irresistible title and cover
photo: http://www.store.bluelaser.com/Oily_Maniac_DVD.jpg
I narrowed it down to two Takeshi Kitano movies (ZATOICHI
and DOLLS), Wong Kar WaiÕs first film AS TEARS GO BY, KILLER
CLANS, a Shaw Brothers classic by Yuen Chor (who made the
legendarily trashy INTIMATE CONFESSIONS OF A CHINESE COURTESAN)
and BEAUTIFUL DUCKLING, a classic Taiwanese film from the
Ō60s that is one of Hou Hsiao HsienÕs favorite films of his
youth (it was featured in DUST IN THE WIND). OILY MANIAC,
IÕll get to you somedayÉ But as I left with my five movies
and a $55 credit card bill I had an incredible feeling of
gluttedness, as if IÕd just spent an hour at McDonaldÕs. I
didnÕt like this feeling at all, this compulsive hunger to
see these movies. I doubt IÕll even get around to these movies
until June, not to mention the 50 or so I left behind at the
store. I felt the nausea of cinephilia spiraling out of control
and an urgency to pull the reins on it fast.
- My wife's depression at not being able to find a job in
a year since she graduated. Insult to injury: last Saturday
she discovered she lost out on a job opening to a friend of
a friend (it hurts when you know someone who got the job you
wanted; and moreso when you think they were less qualified
than you). The job was at an international social work organization,
my wife's passion. She had more education and international
experience than the person who got it, a BA whose international
experience entails bartending in Ireland. Plus a secretarial
gig at the UN -- which I guess was the golden key, even if
it was just admin work. I spent an entire evening trying to
console and comfort her and trying to convince her that she
should not be discouraged by these setbacks, but be fueled
by them to focus even more intently on what she wants to do
and make it happen. In a way her discouragement was goading
me to be even more passionate about what I needed to do -
each admonition to strive harder ricocheted and fell back
on my own ears and made me feel frustrated with my own lack
of progress in my career, possibly due to a lot of time misapplied
on inessential activities and distractions.
- Attending an awards ceremony at a film festival where my
film was showing and watching these crap movies get awards
just because they had pretty production values and an easily
embraceable theme (a too-obvious satire on religious fanatics,
a too-obscure ). I deeply felt that my film was better, but
if it was deemed inferior due to those issues, then perhaps
I needed to strive harder -- if not to cater to tastes I don't
necessarily value, then at least to vindicate my own aesthetic
values to the world -- to leave no doubt unscorched by the
intense heat of my vision. It was time to get Godzilla on
these motherlovers.
Long story short, it really became apparent to me that my
priorities and my lifestyle were in need of realignment as
never before. But to cut to the chase the reason why I'm saying
all this is because I will be imposing severe, dare I say
even draconian, measures to limit my activity on IMDb in order
to ensure that more time and energy are devoted to my projects.
I've benefitted enormously from the discussions and minds
I've engaged with over the years; I wouldn't be where I am
now in my appreciation of movies without all that. But I think
I've really reached a point where I have to ask myself if
this involvement in all these discussions is an end in itself,
or if it was a means to drive me to think about how to approach
the next step, which of course is making my own films. I think
in order for that next step to be taken in earnest, I am going
to have to impose some measures on myself, as not doing so
has proven to be ineffective.
Another relevant event of the past weekend was that I re-watched
THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE, directed by the late, great (and
my college alumnus) John Frankenheimer, a film whose greatness
I had forgotten about and was gratefully reminded of upon
revisiting it (not in the least due to Frankenheimer's valuable
commentary on the MGM DVD). Inspired by the movie, I wondered
if I needed to brainwash myself into doing what I need to
do to realize my objectives; if I needed to install a mental
mechanism to keep my mind on track. I also thought about the
new Lars Von Trier movie, no not the one that predicted the
torture that has happened in Iraq, but the one where he imposes
"five obstructions" on his film school mentor to challenge
and inspire his creativity. And so I subjected myself to some
self-imposed conditioning which will henceforth affect my
IMDb activity. I give you
THE FIVE IMDb OBSTRUCTIONS:
- THOU SHALT NOT POSTETH MORE THAN FIVE TIMES PER DAY.
- THOU SHALT NOT PARTICIPATETH IN MORE THAN FIVE THREADS
PER WEEK.
- THOU SHALT NOT REPLYETH MORE THAN FIVE TIMES TO ANY GIVEN
IMDb PERSON PER WEEK. (that icon is not me, btw, it's DFC,
who craves my attention )
- THOU SHALT NOT WATCHETH MORE THAN FIVE MOVIES PER WEEK.
- IF THOU BREAKEST ANY OF THESE FOUR OBSTRUCTIONS, THOU
ART SUBJECT TO THE FIFTH OBSTRUCTION:
THOU SHALT BE INSTANTLY TRIED AND CONVICTED OF PROCRASTINATION,
AND ANY IMDb PERSON MAY DEMANDEST FROM YOU AN ON-THE-SPOT
STATUS REPORT OF ALL OF THY PROJECTS IN FULL DETAIL, SO THAT
THOU SHALT BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THE WORK THOU HAST MOST
HEINOUSLY NEGLECTED.
THE CODE PHRASE THAT IMDb PEOPLE MAY UTTER TO TRIGGER THIS
REPORT SHALL BE: "Why don't you pass the time with a game
of solitaire?"
The Five IMDb Obstructions are hereby activated. You sadists
out there are encouraged to have fun laying out for me to
slip.
As for last weeksÕ movies that I saw, IÕve decided that this
time I will simply list them without saying anything. As much
as IÕd love to discuss the relative merits of the Frankenheimer
movies I saw (THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE easily making my top
ten American films of the Ō60s), as much as IÕd like to get
back at Antonious for his hatchet job on ATANARJUAT with a
two-fisted assault on the BergmanÕs IÕve seen, as much as
IÕd like to plug my friend Rebecca for writing HAPPILY EVEN
AFTER, IÕm just going to exercise a rare instance of forbearance.
If anyone wants to goad me into saying something they are
free to do so, but I am going to try to stick to my regimen
as much as I can (which is partly why IÕve waited until today
to post this). Anyway itÕs been fun all these years to spend
so much time talking movies with everyone. From now on itÕs
going to be different, and hopefully for the better.
The Magician (1958, Ingmar Bergman)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051365/
Autumn Sonata (1978, Ingmar Bergman)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077711/
Barking Dogs Never Bite (2000, Bong Joon-ho)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0269743/
O Amor Natural (1997, Heddy Honigman)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0137355/
Since Otar Left (2003, Julie Bertucelli)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0336264/
Happily Even After (2004, Unsu Lee)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0340147/
The Manchurian Candidate (1962, John Frankenheimer)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056218/
Birdman of Alcatraz (1962, John Frankenheimer)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0055798/
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